


i'm cold as cold as cold can be

by Kandakicksass



Series: you burn me (i'm so cold) [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Sakura is not an idiot, Weight Loss due to depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kandakicksass/pseuds/Kandakicksass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke promised to return to Konoha after the incident in the forest, and now he has.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm cold as cold as cold can be

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel and final part in the series. Cross-posted from FF.net and was originally titled "Stone Cold."

"Naruto…"

The blonde didn't look away from the window of the little café that had been opened near Ichiraku's. It was a much more modern-style restaurant, and the food was okay, so Naruto had agreed to meet with Sakura there at least once a week. Sakura, however, was slowly losing her mind in the silence. When was the last time Naruto had spoken to her, or to anyone? He just sat there quietly each and every week, keeping a cup of tea warm in his hands. Sometimes, he didn't even drink it. He would just stare out the window, and think.

"Naruto," she repeated. She hadn't tried to talk to him lately; she would just watch him brood, every day growing darker than the last until she couldn't take the heavy atmosphere anymore. The light was fading from Naruto's eyes, and she couldn't take it. "Naruto."

After almost an eternity, Naruto's eyes slid from the window to her, their cerulean depths empty.

"I… yes, Sakura?" he managed, his voice hoarse from disuse.

She leaned over, gently running her thumb under Naruto's eyes. No, it wasn't makeup. That would have been weird, but it would have been better than the reality.

"When was the last time you slept?" she asked quietly. "Or ate?"

"I had an apple this morning," he protested weakly.

Sakura squared her shoulders, refusing to be the one who would give in this time. "Okay. When was the last time you had more than an apple? When did you last have ramen?"

Naruto looked back at her silently, the slightest of winces making an appearance. "I can't remember," he replied tonelessly. "I… I'm not hungry."

"Since… since then," she said, her voice contemplative.

Naruto didn't wince again, like she had expected him to. "No. Not since I met him in the woods."

Her jaw tightened and she nodded. He had never told her what happened—he'd never even confirmed it had been _him_. But Sakura could tell. They had once been inseparable, the three of them, squad seven. She could definitely tell.

"Naruto, what happened out there?" she asked in a low voice. Naruto looked down at the table, into his tea, and when he looked up again, he simply looked tired.

"Nothing," he said, obviously trying to sound nonchalant, but it came off more as emotionless. "It doesn't matter. He said… but it doesn't matter."

Sakura gritted her teeth. Sometimes Naruto was so infuriating! "What did he say, Naruto?"

"Nothing," the blonde repeated, but this time, his calm, almost _pleasant_ voice was harsh, like a whiplash. "I'm leaving, Sakura. I have a mission I was putting off to come here, anyway. It's your turn to pay." He stood to leave, and Sakura grabbed his wrist.

He wrenched it away, but not before Sakura had gone still in shock. She could remember Naruto being warm, so full of sunlight it radiated out of his skin. So how on earth could he be so cold? He felt like stone in the middle of winter.

His skin was freezing to the touch, and pale, his tan from happier days gone. He was almost _pasty_ in complexion, much worse than Sasuke had ever been. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she didn't even notice Naruto storm out of the café, pulling his coat tighter against him. It was chilly, the summer days ending months before, and he had a long walk ahead of him.

Why had she never noticed before? She sat there, thinking dumbly that there was so much she had missed. Unconsciously, she pulled her own jacket around her. She was suddenly so _cold_.

* * *

 

Naruto put the key into the lock of his apartment, letting out a soft sigh. He was tired—that wasn't new, though. He hadn't slept soundly, or even though the night, in what seemed like a very long time. His mission had been very simple, a message delivery mission that took no more than a couple hour's travel. He encountered no difficulties, but even so, it was quite late when he returned.

He walked in, locking the door behind him. He heard the TV going in the living room; this, too, was no surprise. Sakura had almost moved in to his apartment to take care of him, even so, he avoided and barely saw her. Yet, he hadn't expected her tonight after their spat in the café.

He smelt ramen and grimaced. He hadn't a stomach for the stuff in weeks. "Sakura, didn't I tell you to stay out of my ramen? There's plenty of food in the apartment besides ramen; eat that." When he didn't receive a reply, he rolled his eyes without feeling and hung his coat up, listening to the TV in the background. "And when did you start watching that action show? Did they cancel your soap operas?"

However, at this point, Naruto had walked into the living room and stood frozen, his eyes wide. His mouth was open slightly, and he sucked in a sharp gasp. Naruto's heart thudded in his ears and his breathing hitched.

"Ah," he managed, almost hyperventilating. "S- _Sasuke_."

Slowly, the man sitting on his couch with a bowl of instant ramen balancing precariously on his knee turned around, _coal black_ eyes boring into Naruto's cobalt blue ones.

"I told you I'd come back," he said by way of greeting. "Promised you." Naruto nodded, unsure of what to say. God, what _could_ he say?

"You did," he agreed in a whisper. "I still have your note." Sasuke smiled, the expression tinged with sadness, but even so, it was so heartbreakingly beautiful he felt tears well up inside him. Or maybe that was from the fact that _Sasuke was there_ , not an illusion, really there. Sasuke stood and walked around the couch, just standing there in front of him. He blinked, his smile dropping, and the spell on Naruto's body was broken, propelling him into movement. He slammed into Sasuke, his arms in a choke hold around Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke froze for a moment before he relaxed, winding his arms around Naruto's waist and drawing him closer.

"I missed you, dobe," he murmured, and at the mention of the familiar nickname, Naruto's tears spilled over, getting Sasuke's tight-fitting black shirt wet, but as far as he could tell, Sasuke didn't give a damn.

"I missed you, too," Naruto replied thickly. "So, so much." That, at least, was the truth. It was one of the few things he knew for certain anymore—besides the color of Sasuke's eyes or his own name.

They just stood there like that, holding each other like the world would end if they let go, until the sound of the door opening alerted them that they were no longer alone.

"Naruto? I'm sorry about earlier. Can we talk?"

Sakura's voice was weak, and kind of hoarse, like she'd been crying. With what had happened at breakfast, he wouldn't have been surprised if she _had_ been crying. Suddenly, he was hyperaware of everything—the feel of Sasuke's hard muscles against his own body, the sound of Sakura's footsteps as she neared the dim living room where Naruto and Sasuke stood, the light that filled the room when she flipped the light switch on in the kitchen.

The look in her expressive teal eyes when she looked over into the living room.

Naruto could almost swear he'd seen her heart stop before she took a step forward, her expression frozen.

"Sasuke," she said in a voice clearly taken by shock. "I… you're back?"

Sasuke released Naruto, nodding. "Yes. I'm back."

"I…" Sakura didn't say anything else and Naruto looked at the floor. "Naruto. This is what you've been hiding from me." It wasn't a question and she sounded angry. Naruto couldn't blame her, but he also couldn't have told her. He didn't want to tell her. That note, that night… it was between him and Sasuke. He didn't even want to imagine what would have happened if he had told her, and Sasuke had never actually come home. He would have had to deal with her heartbreak on top of his own, and he didn't think he could handle that.

While Sakura was trying to figure out what to say to the friend she hadn't seen in who knew how many years, Naruto slowly put a hand over his heart. Was that the shattering, empty feeling he had been subjected to for weeks now? Was that it, heartbreak? If it was… he looked up at Sasuke's angelic, handsome face, feeling the hand still on the small of his back burn into his skin. If it was heartbreak, then why could he still feel it?

"Naruto, are you okay?" Sakura's voice broke through the illusion he was starting to piece together for himself—the dream that this whole situation must be a part of. "Naruto, you look sick. Maybe…"

Sasuke looked down at him, his dark eyes unreadable except for the concern. "Maybe I should go," Sasuke said slowly, and his heart seized, panic welling in his throat before Sasuke had even finished the sentence.

"No," he breathed harshly. "No. You can't leave— _I won't let you._ " He sounded vicious—animalistic, even. His eyes pierced Sasuke's. "You're not going anywhere." Then he took a deep breath and the fight went out of him, leaving him feeling very _empty_.

"Maybe you should stay with me tonight," Sakura suggested softly. "So… your brain can wrap around this whole thing. Because you look sick, Naruto."

Sasuke brought a hand up, caressing Naruto's jaw with a rough, calloused hand. A cold hand.

"Yes," the Uchiha murmured. "Maybe you should. I think a night away will do you good. I'll stay here—right here, on the couch. I won't go anywhere, and you can see me when you get home in the morning. Okay?"

"Yes," Naruto echoed softly, unable to feel anything but that hand on his face, cupping his chin. He hated the feel of it as much as he needed it there. "I… you're probably right."

He pulled away from Sasuke's hand, and the relief that flooded through him was almost drowned by the sick feeling that he was missing something important.

"You'll be here when I get back in the morning." He just had to make sure; how could he be positive that he wasn't just dreaming, or that Sasuke would leave? God, what if Sasuke left?

But Sasuke nodded seriously, stroking his jawline once more before sitting back down on the couch, smiling up at him sadly. "I'll be sitting right here when you get back, I promise."

Naruto nodded, and when Sakura took his hand, he didn't fight her as she dragged him away.

The moment the door to his apartment closed behind him, he broke down, sobs tearing through his body as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to feel versus what he was feeling. For some reason, he couldn’t seem to be able to differentiate between the two when he couldn't even get a handle on the grief and relief and anger and sadness and elation and god knows what else rocking through him like a wave.

The tears kept until they made it to the small apartment Sakura had moved to shortly after her promotion to chunin, and then Sakura just sat across from him in her own living room, watching him stare out the window without bothering to wipe away the evidence of his anguish on his cheeks long after they had stopped flowing.

* * *

 

When Naruto walked into his apartment the next morning, he almost couldn't believe his eyes.

Sasuke was gone.

He couldn't even cry anymore; god, he hated himself for crying in the first place. He had spent all night thinking, convincing himself that it was real. He had to. He had _wanted_ it to be real. No matter how confused the emotions Sasuke caused made him, he needed Sasuke. Sasuke was his crutch, his best friend. Eventually, he would be able to function without him, but he'd realized after he'd met with the rogue in the woods that no matter how well he was able to _function_ , he was never okay without him. He could cope, but he couldn't move on.

Naruto sat down on the couch.

 _It's still warm_ , he thought to himself quietly.  He picked up a blanket, and brought it to his face hesitantly; it smelled like Sasuke. _He was here_ , he told himself firmly. _It was no dream. Sasuke was here._

"Naruto? I didn't expect you back so early."

Naruto spun around in shock, pulling a kunai from the pouch settled on his thigh, pointing the knife in the direction of the defensive raven.

"Sasuke," he whispered, and the kunai clattered on the ground. "I… where were you?"

Sasuke straightened, coming out of his defensive pose. "I was talking to Tsunade, actually," he admitted. "Trying to figure out whether I was going to be cast out again… or executed."

"And the verdict?" Naruto asked quietly. A smile tugged at the corner of Sasuke's mouth, not real, not quite, but a smile. A beautiful, beautiful smile.

"Well, I never really did anything major except run away," he shrugged. "I even killed quite a few of the village's enemies." This was said with the slightest tinge of regret. "Even my innocent brother."

"Innocent?" Naruto repeated, stunned. Sasuke nodded.

"I'll explain later. Anyway, she said that I'm under a probationary status for a while, and I'm not to leave your side on missions or anything involving leaving the village, but other than that, I'm reinstated as a Konoha shinobi. I just need to take the Chunin exams, eh?" He tried laughing slightly, but the sound was dry. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It won't be the same… but I'm back."

Naruto didn't look away, but his heart had stopped for a moment and he couldn’t seem to get a breath.

"Naruto? Are you okay?"

Naruto shook his head fiercely and Sasuke knelt down next to him and stroked his face. The empty feeling went away to linger in the back of his mind and Naruto took that hand in both of his.

"Did you miss me, Naruto?"

The blonde looked up at Sasuke's tender, confused expression. "Yes," he answered slowly. "I think I did." Sasuke chuckled slightly.

"You're thinking? Wow, things have changed more than I thought," he joked weakly, and Naruto uttered a small laugh. He pressed a small kiss to the palm of Sasuke's hand, unsure of what to do. He couldn’t stop thinking _he's back_ long enough to figure out what he was going to do now that he was, but that was okay.

"I… god, I feel like I couldn’t breathe without you, you bastard," he said hoarsely, his voice breaking halfway through.

Sasuke pulled him close so that Naruto's head rested against his collarbone. "Looks like you couldn't breathe with me here, dobe. But I know what you're talking about. I felt the same way this whole time." He was caressing Naruto's blonde hair lightly and the kitsune was just sitting there, inhaling the scent of his friend—more than friend?—inconspicuously.

Somehow, _somehow_ , they wound up on the ground, but Naruto missed when because the minute Sasuke's lips had touched his, his mind had been wiped from anything even vaguely related to thought. The only thing in his mind was Sasuke, and he was everywhere.

 _Sasuke_.

He still didn't feel right in Sasuke's arms, he'd reflected later, but he still felt much more whole than he had anywhere else since Sasuke had left. They would never go back to whatever they were before that horrible day all those years ago, when the Uchiha had turned his back on Konoha. This was what they had, this sweaty, jumbled mess of a relationship, and it was what he would take. Naruto would take it with open arms and never let go. He couldn't let go.

"Naruto," Sasuke breathed, his body between Naruto's legs, the blonde's arms pulling him ever closer. "Oh, Naruto."

Naruto couldn't describe what it was like to have Sasuke inside of him again, moving, alive, within him. His senses were on hyper drive, his mind fried. There was pain, a lot of pain, but there was also pleasure. And happiness, he thought dazedly. He hadn't felt happiness in months. Too many months.

When it was over and they had both climaxed messily (Naruto would clean it later, but now, he was content to just lay there with his lover), Sasuke laid next to him between the couch and the coffee table, playing with his hair idly.

"I love you," Sasuke whispered. Naruto didn't know what to say.

But maybe he did.

"I… I love you, too," he choked out. Yes, that was it. He still felt empty and confused, he still thought he was dreaming, he still thought he might have died and this was just his afterlife, but he loved Sasuke. _So much._ So much he couldn't be with him without being in horrible pain, but that was okay.

Sasuke smiled, and it was possibly the most beautiful thing Naruto had ever seen.

* * *

 

It was amazing how things could change in a few months. The weather was lightening, becoming spring, and flowers were beginning to pop up everywhere. There were smaller differences that Sakura could see as well—Naruto was smiling again, widely. His laugher was getting louder and more frequent with each passing day. Sasuke smiled, too, more than he ever had before.

Sakura's lunches with her blonde friend had expanded, and they were a trio again. She couldn't remember Naruto going anywhere without Sasuke, but that was okay. He was bringing the old Naruto back, slowly but surely, and Naruto was bringing out a side of Sasuke Sakura had seen maybe once or twice. Most of Konoha hadn't accepted Sasuke's return very well, but that was okay. The way Sakura saw it, Sasuke had never needed their approval, and he was just fine now without it.

"So yeah, and then Kiba fell flat on his face. Off of the top of Ichiraku! Even Akamaru was laughing!" Naruto finished one of his many stories with an excited hand gesture, laughing loudly. "It was _hilarious_!"

"I guess I had to be there," Sakura chuckled. She hadn't been listening to most of the story anyway, but that was okay, too.

"You did, you did!" he assured her. "Right, Sasuke?" The raven nodded, laughing quietly. He had an arm around Naruto's shoulders, and his other hand was tracing patters on Naruto's palm, which lay open on the table.

"Yes, Sakura, you had to be there."

"Was it actually as funny as he says?" she inquired. Sasuke nodded when Naruto looked up, but when he looked away with a victorious look, Sasuke shook his head no, and Sakura laughed.

They continued this way, chattering animatedly, when a little bird flew in, landing precariously on Naruto's head, leaning over to peck on the top of Sasuke's.

"A mission?" Naruto whined. "I don't want to! Granny Tsunade's been over working me, damn it!" He complained further, but stood, Sasuke automatically going with him. The Uchiha never left Naruto's side, and Tsunade had gotten that message because even after Sasuke was let off of probation, they were still sent on missions together. The pale raven took Naruto's hand and they both leaned over to hug their kunoichi friend before leaving.

She hugged them both, and waved them away with a cheery smile. The minute they were out of sight, however, her smile dropped, and she sat down, rubbing her arms.

Things were getting better, she reminded herself, but they weren't perfect. He had his color back, and his smile, but Sakura had noticed something. Naruto was still cold.

Stone cold.


End file.
